HELP WANTED: FEMA DIRECTOR

Important job qualifications:

1) Must be able to follow and understand news reports
2) Must be able to take appropriate action based on those reports
3) Must not lie about results of actions

See below for a example of lack of qualifications from Sept. 1:

JIM LEHRER: "As fast as we can," what does that mean as we speak right now? Preceding you, we've had numerous people say they walked across the bridge and they got to the other end of the bridge and there was nobody there, nobody to help them. There were supposed to be buses. The buses didn't show up. It is one story after another. So what does "as soon as we can" mean at this stage of the game, Mr. Brown?

MIKE BROWN: Well, let me answer the question two ways: First, with regard to the evacuation of the Superdome and the convention center, we have had an ongoing supply food and water to there. They've had meals every day that they've been there.

Same day:

ZAHN: Sir, you aren't just telling me you just learned that the folks at the Convention Center didn't have food and water until today, are you? You had no idea they were completely cut off?

(CROSSTALK) BROWN: Paula, the federal government did not even know about the Convention Center people until today.