THE TOP 14 "RADICALS" AT UCLA

Of the 14, 4 are condemned because they aren't members of AIPAC or the Likud Party.

1. Peter McLaren (5/5 Power Fists) This Canadian native teaches the next generation of teachers and professors how to properly indoctrinate students – Paolo Freire-style. Thanks to his hard-charging efforts, McLaren debuts at the top of the charts. Long live the king!

2. Kent Wong (5/5 Power Fists) In any other group, Kent Wong, the dyed-red laborista radical, would be hold an undisputed title for heavyweight extremism. If Wong keeps up his public attack on everything to the right of Chairman Mao, he may still do it. Stay tuned!

3. Douglas Kellner (5/5 Power Fists) Got a conspiracy theory involving President Bush, or any other member of his family? Douglas Kellner, the clown prince of the Education Department and king of Austin, Texas public access television, is your go-to guy. While it’s difficult to see his views becoming any more hysterical in tone and content, Kellner remains a dark-horse threat for the top ranking

4. Gabriel Piterberg (5/5 Power Fists) Born in Argentina but raised in a Jewish Israeli household, Piterberg takes the term “self-hating Jew” to a new level. Piterberg has left behind all ethnic and religious affiliations for a new identity along the lines of the “new Soviet man.” Due to his tireless anti-Israel activism, Piterberg will always be within striking distance of a top-3 rank.

5. Robert Watson (5/5 Power Fists) While his father Goodwin was pursued by HCUA for good reason, Robert Watson was fortunate to become an outspoken radical in a far more tolerant time. Watson is best known for his Daily Bruin fecundity, typically cramming half a dozen wild-eyed anti-Bush accusations in a single sentence. If Watson can come out of his shell as he did during the remarkable 2000-2002 stretch, his stock could jump.

6. Sondra Hale (5/5 Power Fists) The female equivalent of Gabriel Piterberg, Hale’s ardent anti-Israel and anti-Zionism stands out in a crowded female field. Hale first came to infamy in 1982 as department chair of the militantly pro- (and personally-)lesbian Women’s Studies department at Cal State Long Beach – and hasn’t let up since. If you believe the old canard of women earning 76 cents on the dollar to men, then you know Hale’s going to have to work extra hard just to keep her #6 rank.

7. Saree Makdisi (5/5 Power Fists) He boasts the same anti-Israel and anti-Zionist credentials as Piterberg and Hale, but Makdisi’s resume simply isn’t as long. Provided Makdisi stays as irrepressible as ever, and grows into the big shoes of his uncle Edward Said, you can expect to see him continue his meteoric rise.

8. Vinay Lal (5/5 Power Fists) Beaten up as a child for his slight stature, Lal’s Napoleonic complex has taken the form of snobbish hatred of President George W. Bush. With two years left in the President’s term, Lal still has plenty of time for several more venomous hit pieces.

9. James Gelvin – (5/5 Power Fists) Slammed early and often for his biased Palestinian classroom proselytizing, Gelvin remains a threat for the top five based on sheer fervor alone. As they say on SportsCenter, you can't stop James Gelvin, you can only hope to contain him.

10. Adolfo Bermeo (5/5 Power Fists) Owing to his recent “resignation” (read, forced retirement), Bermeo has begun a steep free-fall. In due time, the fresher, more outrageous exploits of current Bruin professors will likely relegate Bermeo to obscurity. But for those who attended UCLA before October 2005, we’ll always remember the times we had...

11. Juan Gomez-Quinones (5/5 Power Fists) The prototypical Hispanic irredentist, Gomez played a leading role with MEChA as the imaginary “Age of Aquarius” bled painfully into the Age of The Weathermen. Gomez played defender and enabler to a new generation of radical Hispanic students, culminating in an epic 1993 hunger strike battle with gutless Chancellor Charles E. Young. With his salad days behind him, Gomez is unlikely to move anywhere but down this list.

12. Karen Brodkin (5/5 Power Fists) This militant lesbian feminist has hitched her star to the whiteness studies movement, and displays no patience for those who see women’s issues in a broader context than her own. Unless Brodkin can develop a theme for her radicalism, the all-over-the-place character of her current activism dooms her chances for moving up the list.

13. Ellen DuBois (5/5 Power Fists) Like Karen Brodkin, DuBois has been a reliable participant and supporter of any number of radical causes. DuBois, however, distinguished herself by co-authoring a widely-signed Historians Against the War petition with the help of usual suspect Joyce Appleby. With a few more inspired choices like this, DuBois’ stock could really rise.

14. Gary Blasi (5/5 Power Fists) While discouraged by budget cuts at the UCLA Labor Center, Gary Blasi has been productive in times of crisis. Thanks to the labor of students in his clinical law class, Blasi presented research that lead to the ACLU case Williams v. California. If his old friends keep calling, lightning could strike twice.